Time for Reflection

One of the multitudes of things I enjoyed about being a Deputy was the solitude. No one looking over my shoulder. When I arrived at an intersection or "fork in the road" it was my choice which way I wanted to go. Kind of like the difference between right and wrong, but without the guilt that usually goes along with it. It was my choice, no one dictated whether I went left, right, straight ahead or made a U turn and went back the way I just came from.

On those nights when it was quiet in the County, I could drive and think about a myriad of things. Mostly though, I would drive in quiet reflection. I might think about family, friends, conversations that were had, arguments, funny or sad things I had witnessed, what could I have done in a particular instance that would have changed the outcome of a previous case and etc. and etc. Hell, why not say it, it would also be about what I wanted in my future. You know what I mean, places to go, people to see or meet, and things to have.

A few of those reflections have left indelible marks on me. Sometimes I learned something new about myself. Many times though, I was left with a sense of wonderment. Where did these thoughts come from. What put them in my head. How did they get there in the first place. Sometimes I was left with more questions then answers,but the awe factor remained.

This is one of the things I miss the most. I still try to recreate those quiet times of reflection, however it doesn't feel the same. I have found my new place for solitude and reflection. I am not driving like before, it is a nice place but I am stationary so it's a different feeling. When I'm there, I'm still in quiet reflection but I haven't achieved the same sense of satisfaction from it.

I have made the conscious choice to take my life in a different direction. So maybe this is why my moments of reflection don't feel the same. Maybe once I reach the moment where that sense of wonderment returns, it won't feel the same but will feel even better. Sometimes I still miss my old life, but now I look forward to my new life more and more everyday. My new life is full of wonderment and new possibilities of the likes that I haven't even imagined yet.

Now that I'm writing and thinking about this it finally makes sense. My times of reflection aren't that anymore. Instead of being reflections of the past, this time should be spent on visions of the future. Thank You for helping me figure this out.

What is that.

Dispatcher tones out the ambulance and dispatches Deputy (Me) and announces all units one vehicle roll over accident with injuries, five miles west of town on the highway. Here we go, lights on, Siren blaring, rushing to the scene. I arrive before the ambulance and see a white suv, glass all busted, roof caved in and a woman yelling my son is still in the car help him he's hurt.

I go to the side of the car where he is and he has a cut over his eye and is crying. I'm talking to him and trying to find out if he is hurt anywhere else. if he knows his name, does he know where he is, does he know whats happened, just checking his cognitive abilities. I tell him I am going to try and open his door so the ambulance crew who had arrived could help get him out of the vehicle.

Then it happened. As I was trying to pull open the door, plop, warm red and white goop dumps all over my legs and boots. I look down and my stomach rolls over. I look at the boy sitting in the car with blood on his face and shirt. The stomach rolls again. About this time the boys mother goes no, no, don't worry. Thats spaghetti, we were taking a big pot of it to a friends party that we were going to.

Both me and the ambulance crew both blew a sigh of relief and chewed it back. We then finished prying the door open and then the ambulance crew did their jobs and finished getting the young man from the vehicle and transported him for treatment at the hospital. Luckily, he only had minor injuries.

However, just so you know. It was quite a while before I could eat spaghetti again.

I need a new wheelcover

For much of my time as a Deputy I worked the night shift. One night while working I happened to lose one of the wheel covers (hubcap) off of my new patrol car. I was driving a brand new car not three months old yet and was missing a wheel cover.

So since I rarely had much interaction with the Sheriff. I did as I normally did whenever I needed to get equipment replaced. I went to the office and left him a note. It went something like this.

Boss,

Sometime during the night last night, I lost a wheel cover off of the patrol car. If you get a chance could you order me a replacement.

Thanks

106

Simple right. Well, the next night when I go to work and go by the office there is a note from him, thumbtacked to the front of my inbox that said,

What's the matter, are your "nuts" exposed.

Then in little letters at the bottom of the note it said, I called and ordered you a new wheel cover.

What's that thumping noise?

During one of my investigations, I went to interview a lady who had information concerning one of my drug cases. She was not at work, so I went to her house and interviewed her. It was a small, messy (filthy) house with stuff strewn everywhere and junk piled on everything. To say the place reeked is an understatement.

She invited me in and threw some stuff off the couch so I could sit down.. Right after I sat down, I start hearing this thumping sound right behind me. I ignore it and start my interview so I can get the information and get the hell out of this pigsty before I get sick.

Well of course she wants to drone on and on about anything and everything and all about what the neighbors did and how the system is screwing her and her family and on and on. All the while I keep hearing this thump, thump, right behind me but don't dare turn around, thump, thump, thump. Finally I get all the information I need and I thank her for talking with me. Thump, thump, thump.

About this time her son comes walking in and tells his mom. You shouldn't have let him sit there the glass on the aquarium is broke. Mister you probably oughta move. I get up from the couch and look behind me as I do and there in a little broken glass aquarium is a freaking RATTLESNAKE. Just striking away at the glass right by where the back of my head was. As I leaped away from the couch I said how come he is not rattling. The kid says he is, see his tail, but his rattles were smashed by a car so I cut them off. I'm sure glad that glass didn't go ahead and break cause he sure seems pissed off at you.

As I was leaving this place I made a little mental note to myself. Make sure and pay attention to what is behind you at all times. Then I went to change my pants. I HATE SNAKES. Seriously, I HATE SNAKES.

Whats

Things I still smile about

There are many things about law enforcement work that can make you hard and jaded about the rest of the world. However there are happy things that occur, so little and slight you can forget them. Many of my happy times I had forgotten or closed them off in my brain. At least until this moment. I just woke up, my alarm clock says 2:24 in the a.m and here is list of happy memories. My brain is yelling at me to write them down.

I'm not going to explain them. They are moments in time and they made me happy and whenever I look back at this post or remember them again, they will still make me happy.

100 Grand and Payday candy bars. Brown eyes. Maya Angelou. Eating microwave popcorn in the wee hours of the morning. Eating chips and salsa at 6:30 a.m. before going to bed. Lascivious. All night car rides. 400 and Alabama. 1400 and Louisiana. Cruising the cemeteries in the middle of the night. Microphone clicks. Subway sandwiches. 1821066969.

These are just a few of the things I will cherish forever.

Now I can go back to sleep. Good Night Everyone

Ponder on This

A long time ago a lady I knew told me.

"The ones you Love aren't what makes your life. The Love you give them and receive from them and the memories made are what truly makes your life. These can never be taken away and live with us forever."

I truly love quotes. Whether they are from famous people, Presidents, Generals, Poets, or from the regular people you see everyday, yet they are very wise people I have known or met by happenstance. I used to enjoy sitting on the benches outside the stores in little towns with people when I was a child and just listen to their stories and the life lessons they wished to share with me. However, I stopped listening to these wonderful people and felt like I knew it all. Boy was I ever wrong. I have always still enjoyed reading peoples quotes. But very seldom did I really stop to think and contemplate what they truly meant.

The quote I mentioned above is one that I heard her say, but never really thought to much about it. I ran across the piece of paper the other day where I had jotted this down. I don't really know why I jotted it down but I did. Sometimes I will run across something, or hear somebody say something I thought was poignant or important or discover some quote and will just jot it down thinking I will think about it later. Most of the time I just end up throwing them away, never giving them a second thought, but this one I didn't throw away. I have kept it all of these many years. I don't know if she came up with it on her own or if she had learned it somewhere, but it was clear that it was meaningful to her. I truly wish she was still with us in this world so I could ask her about it. Unfortunately I don't have that option. So I have to work on understanding this on my own.

Lets recap. "The ones you Love don't make your life. The Love you give them and receive from them and the memories made are what truly makes your life. These can never be taken away and live with us forever." What does this mean? Now there is a question for you.

I have my thoughts about this, and when I stop to think about it the first thing I think is, you know what she is right. It's not the ones you love that make your life, it is the memories. But then I think it's wrong. If the ones I loved were never in my life, I wouldn't have these memories to carry with me in the first place. However, I do agree that the love given and received and the memories that were made will never be taken away and will live with us forever. I also feel these memories can and should make us better people as we continue to go on about our lives.

I will look at this quote over and over again, just as I do a few others I enjoy. I am also sure my thoughts about its true meaning will grow and change as I go on through my life. But, one thing will never change. My appreciation of the lovely lady who said it to me and the memories of her I shall always remember.